This is pretty much a continuation of the last post.
Life has been pretty eventful ever since I set on changing it.
But now, I know nothing else matters, except my walk with God.
W.r.t last post, I got a couple of pointers regarding the reason for my decision to change. I gave them very careful thoughts, and, while there could be possibly an element of both, I very much thing this is how I see them:
1) The abandonment of the "poverty mindset".
It's basically the mindset of being poor, hence you need other revenues to make revenue. It was infered that I got out of that mindset.... Could be true... but I didnt feel it as strongly as my sis, who was proposed this idea.
2) The "guilt factor"
It was said that I finally felt guilty about these acts, and guilt caught up with me. While there could be an element of guilt that appeared, I would not attribute it being the main motivating factor behind my decision to change. Guilt is good sometimes, but it’s hard to use that to sustain one, and it’s something that is easy to hide it away, and not face...
So... I asked myself... WHY? WHY THE CHANGE?
The reason is simple. When my brother was sharing about how he has been doing some wrong things, deep in my heart, I wanted to tell him: “Brother, no matter what you have done, as long as you repent, God's grace is sufficient."
As I spoke those words in my heart, the phrase "God's grace" jumped out and hit me like a truck. I realised that I am imperfect, and have sinned, through grudges against people, through anger, bitterness in certain small ways... God has always given me Grace. Jesus has never abandoned me despite my ways.
The biggest catalyst of my decision to change is…. God's grace no matter what I do. With that fact staring at me…. I could no longer do the things I do. Knowing that despite all the wrongs I do, He will still love me. It is as if knowing that your wife will forgive you, no matter how many girls you sleep with. All the more you should never betray her.
To make it sound simpler, it is the positive thoughts of God's grace for me no matter how bad I am, no matter how sinful I am, that made me decide to change. Sounds odd right? I did take a bit of time to sort out these thoughts.
Basically, God is a God of love... and it is because of his UNCONDITIONAL love for me that made me decide to change, so that his love will not leave him unreturned. It is the thought of his forgiveness despite all my wrongs, that makes me not want to do anymore wrong. I want to love him back, I want to do no wrong! Hence I decided to attempt to change. While guilt is a negative motivation... and I may decide not to face this negative feeling... Love is a positive motivation... and I am sure it's a better motivator than the former.
As we all know, man is weak... and especially me. I pray to God... that he will sustain me... that I will bear no grudges against anyone, that no matter how people around me may change, I promise to TRY to stay the same. that people may say hurting words or place judgement, I do not do the same back. People may treat you differently, but you treat them all the same.
God, help me be a shinning example of your love. Use me to tell people about the love of Christ...
It is not letting go of a burden as I might has implied earlier… I think it’s more of the receiving of the love… it’s receiving of a booster… something that makes me want to wake up and see the change in me affect people around me.
Thank God and AMEN!
