The seeds of life

The passage below shows the different sides of me since I came to the US. It seems like a simple passge, yet has such a strong impact.

Luke 8:5-15

5"A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."

11"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

There are 4 types of life that I have lived.

1) A unchurched life in verse 12

I sometimes live like I do not know God. I forgot that God worked many miracles in my life so far. I do not read his word, I do not spread his word... I live life like life is all about me, as if God was never in my life.

2) Short term memory in verse 13

There are times I go to church, and felt that the sermon was good. I would think to myself, I need to apply the sermon to my life. But I dont. I left church with that "feel good" feeling, that I have checked the "I have attended church" box, then when I reached home, I forget that I am a Christain. When something elses requires of my time, I will no longer put God as my top priority. When I am tired, I dont want to show up at church. I want my time, I want to do my things.... I do not read the bible regularly, I no longer have the compassion for the needy, basically, when it comes to crunch time... I simply crumple...

3) The self centered me... in verse 14

Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have become more and more self centered after coming here. I have not grown much spiritually since I came here. It is not because of a different church, or different cell group. It is solely because of a change in my mindset. My focus has moved away from God... to me, myself and I. It's all about my travelling... my taking better pictures... it's all about me. I forgot about the needy people that God placed me around. I wanted to do my things, use my time, have my fun... all for myself.

4) The "me" that I want to become... in verse 15

I want to rediscover my compassion. I want to rediscover God. I want to grow, I want to have a hunger for the unchurched friends and family members. I want to read his word more and know him more... I want his word to guide my life, and nothing else. Help me God...

God help me... remind me... make me more consistent. God, I know I have changed, but I want to change back to what I used to do... how I used to think... the way I used to act... Lord, help me.