I took the plunge

Today, I contacted someone from a project that reaches out to the homeless.. "The Beacon". It will be on Saturday, from 9am to 530pm. I finally took my first step towards restoring what I used to do.

I pray that God will sustain me, and allow me to participate in this project regularly, and when I am tired, I pray that God will help me through it.

Since we are going to a ranch on Saturday, I will not be able to join the project this saturday. I hope I will be there next week. God willing...

The seeds of life

The passage below shows the different sides of me since I came to the US. It seems like a simple passge, yet has such a strong impact.

Luke 8:5-15

5"A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."

11"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

There are 4 types of life that I have lived.

1) A unchurched life in verse 12

I sometimes live like I do not know God. I forgot that God worked many miracles in my life so far. I do not read his word, I do not spread his word... I live life like life is all about me, as if God was never in my life.

2) Short term memory in verse 13

There are times I go to church, and felt that the sermon was good. I would think to myself, I need to apply the sermon to my life. But I dont. I left church with that "feel good" feeling, that I have checked the "I have attended church" box, then when I reached home, I forget that I am a Christain. When something elses requires of my time, I will no longer put God as my top priority. When I am tired, I dont want to show up at church. I want my time, I want to do my things.... I do not read the bible regularly, I no longer have the compassion for the needy, basically, when it comes to crunch time... I simply crumple...

3) The self centered me... in verse 14

Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have become more and more self centered after coming here. I have not grown much spiritually since I came here. It is not because of a different church, or different cell group. It is solely because of a change in my mindset. My focus has moved away from God... to me, myself and I. It's all about my travelling... my taking better pictures... it's all about me. I forgot about the needy people that God placed me around. I wanted to do my things, use my time, have my fun... all for myself.

4) The "me" that I want to become... in verse 15

I want to rediscover my compassion. I want to rediscover God. I want to grow, I want to have a hunger for the unchurched friends and family members. I want to read his word more and know him more... I want his word to guide my life, and nothing else. Help me God...

God help me... remind me... make me more consistent. God, I know I have changed, but I want to change back to what I used to do... how I used to think... the way I used to act... Lord, help me.

Readings for yesterday

Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

This is a good passage for someone like me.... who usually forgets that whatever in the world now is temporary... When I got to the US... I am always thinking about personal satisfaction... personal fulfilment.... being with people... having fun... travelling... enjoying my life for me and me alone......

While God DOES want me to enjoy my life... and derive personal satisfaction in the things I do... He doesnt want me to forget that the real purpose in my life is to reach out to the needy... that is where His heart is....

Coming here and being overwhelmed by many small things to settle.... I have developed a sense of "my time is for me to do MY things" attitude... I go to church... help out at service.... but i lost the hunger to help the needy... I lost the "die to self" mentality.....

I pray to God... asking for him to help me... rediscover the hunger... rediscover the love for the needy... Thank God and Amen.

My talk with God... part 2

Following my previous post...

I read some really powerful messages that I want to note down in this online journal of mine.

Matthew 5:37 "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No', 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

I have quoted this verse in many ocassions... but never really got the true message.

I am a big preacher of the "GRAY area" in our life... and I have always said that many things cannot be a straight yes... or a definite no... there are always a "depends" in all situations... almost... being blessed with the ability to twist some whites into blacks, rights into wrongs... I have often convinced myself of this "gray" substance.

Today... I got the message from God... when in doubt, ask yourself... "What would Jesus do?"

There was also another verse...

Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Being a weak man God made me... this is a message that I definitely should bear in mind... When a woman with a good figure walks by.... when the cheerleaders are doing their sexy moves... I should learn to look away. Always try not to tempt myself by giving that "second look". I pray that God will remind me that... he already had during tonight's game.

Thank God....

My talk with God

Yesterday... I couldnt go to sleep.... so I woke up... I went to talk to God.... Physically, I was reading the bible like many other times... but this time... I decided to read it, and be sensitive to God's message for me in the verses I read.

I read Matthew 5... and was on verses 23 - 24".... if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift"

This must be the upteemth time that I read these verses, but I always remembered it as "if I have something against my brother".... so I had this differences with a friend. I felt that he could have something "against" me, but I questioned myself honestly, and was able to say that I was not holding anything against him. Hence I did not try to resolve the "issue" between us. I always use the excuse... it is not with me... I have nothing against him... so the issue lies with him... "ball is not in my court"

But God had a different message for me... He wants me to go reconcile with someone whom I think/know has something against me. I may not harbour any ill feelings, but I still have to make the first step to reconcile with him.

I prayed about it... and knew God has this message for me, knowing this particular issue.

So this afternoon, I finally followed God's message for me... and talked to him. It was good, and we exchange some nonsense.... and had quite a decent talk.

I am glad that I followed the promptings of God.... and resolved this "knot".... God is good... he guided me through it... Thank God...