Feeling USED!

Happy! I know there seems to be a negative connotation to the above topic. But here I am, always like to present another side of things/terms to myself...

This is the first day back at work, after 5.5 weeks of uselessness... I was feeling really excited. Just like I told Zhiying, it felt like going back to school after school holidays in Sec sch/college. I was filled with this eagerness.... so much so that I woke up at 530am instead of the scheduled 7am. Nevermind, time to do some chatting, with frens, then with God....

Mind is a powerful thing, some pple may feel so down, so sianz (Chinese dialect for bored), dread... or even unwilling.... to do the one thing that pple are paying us to do... work! Haha...

I thank God that he gave me the ability to see the positive side of things... the ability to appreciate the torch light in darkness... some pple see the doughnut, some pple see the hole. I am happily feeling used... finally I can polish my audit skills, my excel skill... and of coz interact with colleagues, claim some mileage (not that I want to drive 35 miles to work)....

While I "basket" in this joy of going back on job... (it sounds really funny).... I do appreciate that this intangible thing call "joy" is so fragile. This moment, you have it... the next moment... you may lose it... It may make many pple feel insecure... worried... even start to feel unhappy... But thank God, I know that I wont have to go through this sense of insecurity... Becoz I know I can always call on Jesus... I can always feel secured in Him... I know that IF I CHOOSE to believe that He can make me happy, I will not be unhappy.

I am really proud of being happy. Not proud of the state of mind, but proud of the ability to engage my mind to be in this state. Not proud in the "I look down on you" sense... but proud in the "Thank God I have God" sense... complicated hor...?

God is here to give us to ability.... do you want it? Yes....? you sure....? Wanting it is not merely the use of the mouth... say "I want"... it's also the use of the mind... think "I want"... and the use of the heart... feel "I want"... and Most importantly... Ask for the "I want"... Ask from God... ask with your mouth, with your mind... and with your heart... Seems easy... yet seems so tough... it's only a matter of if you really "want"... or not?